Here are some of them:
1. Write, write, write.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted writing to be as constant a presence in my life as reading. Lately, I haven't been following through on this desire. Honestly, not chronicling my life really fucking depresses me. I want to be able to look back on this time when I'm older, because I'm having a lot of new experiences, meeting very creative and influential people, and my perspective on all of this keeps developing in surprising ways. I want to write through this process to better understand myself. I want to start noticing patterns in my thinking and behavior, so I can be more prepared and efficient in my constant attempts to improve myself. I just want to journal more and blog more, and I'm suddenly extremely determined to make this happen. I think part of the reason I haven't done much of either in the last year or so is because I kept feeling like I had to choose one or the other. Only in the last couple of days have I begun to see journaling and blogging as two very different things that can and should have a place in my life simultaneously. Giving myself the liberty to not make a choice means I'll probably be doing more of both.
2. Start booktubing!
I've been watching booktube videos for a few months and finally created my own channel because it seemed like fun and I wanted to join that great community of readers. It was scary (I've never been comfortable watching footage of myself, let alone sharing it with the world) and I thought about it for at least a month before I worked up the courage to do it. In the short time I've been a member, it has already begun to change me in ways I hadn't anticipated (again with the being-forced-to-stare-at-your-own-face-for-the-hours-it-takes-to-edit-a-video thing. It will do stuff to you). I will probably do another blog post about this.
3. Learn how to manage my money better.
Since graduating from college in May 2012, I have developed a not-so-healthy obsession with my student loans. The first six months were the worst; I have a job that allows for a lot of daydreaming, and in my head it was all loans, all the time. Literally. All day long. I'd make desperate calculations in my head over and over again, trying to figure out how to get rid of my debt as quickly as humanly possible. I decided to live with my parents to save money and sent most of my paycheck to my loans every two weeks. I managed to pay off a third of my debt within that year. My anxiety got better for a while (maybe solely because it was summer and I was being more social and having fun), but then I realized that more than six months had passed since paying off a third of my debt, and I had hardly made a dent since (I had moved out of my parents' by then and could no longer send $800 a month). The second I realized this, the obsessive thoughts returned full force.
I have since accepted (however grudgingly) that it will probably take a few more years to pay off all of my debt. But I still want to send as much as I can and just become better at crafting a real plan and then following through on it. Even though I'm living with my parents again and am not paying rent, I somehow haven't been able to send as much as I did before I moved out in the summer. I don't understand why. I'm working way more hours than I was back then, so why can't I send $800 a month, or even more than that? I'm moving out of my parents' very soon, so it's not even worth taking that specific question into consideration, but the point is that I have no idea where my money goes (and I'm generally pretty responsible with my spending, so it's not like I blow it all on clothes or something). It's time to put on my big girl pants and create a budget. Hopefully the simple(?) knowledge of where every dollar goes will be enough to ease the anxiety of paying off my debt. I suspect a lot of my obsession stems from not ever knowing how much I can send. So I come up with these insane numbers and drive myself crazy trying and failing to reach them. I think it'll be a relief to know for sure how much I can afford to pay off each month, even if it's less than what I'd like the number to be.
I have more goals than that (a lot of reading goals, and I also plan on eating healthier and on developing some kind of steady exercise routine), but those are the three that I'm most determined to follow through on.
